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Why don’t you see black people on cruise ships?
They’re not falling for that again.
What’s the difference between Hitler and Michael Phelps?
Phelps can actually finish a race
How was copper wire invented?
Two Jews were fighting over a penny.
Q: What is the difference between a penis and the bible?
A: Nothing, they both get shoved down your throat by catholic priests
What happened to the black Jews?
They had to go to the back of the oven
Little Johnny wakes up one night hearing strange noises from his parent’s bedroom. He opens the door to his parents room and sees mom, handcuffed to the bed’s headboard, dad ramming her from behind. Johnny screams. Dad turns to looks at him, laughs and gives mom a slap on the bum for good measure. Johnny runs away, screaming.
Once dad has finished mom off, he uncuffs her. She immediately says, ‘You better go tell Johnny everything is OK, the shit he just saw could scar him for life”.
Dad rolls his eyes and begrudgingly agrees. Pulls on his robe and heads for Johnny’s room only to find it’s empty. He then heads for the TV room but when he passes the guest room, he notices the door is ajar, noises coming from inside. He opens the door to look in and sees Granny on her hands and knees, little Johnny fucking her from behind.
Johnny turns around looks at him and says “Yeah, not so funny when it’s your mom huh?”
Mom is doing the kitchen chores, while her son Johnny is out playing…
Suddenly, Johnny runs through the front door and shouts “Mom! Mom! Peter is gay!!!”
Mom turns around, a bit confused, and asks “that don’t sound very likely.. you are both only eight!”
Johhny replies “but it’s true, I know it!”
“How could you possibly know that?”, asks mom.
Johnny replies “His dick tastes like poop!”
What’s white on top and black at the bottom?
A priest and a rabbi are walking down the street. One of them spots a little boy on the corner.
Priest says, “Let’s fuck him.” Rabbi says, “Out of what?”
What’s the difference between Paul Walker and a computer? I give a fuck when my computer crashes.
What’s the worst thing about breaking up with a Japanese girl? You have to drop the bomb twice before she gets the message.
How did Rihanna find out Chris Brown was cheating on her? She found another woman’s lipstick on his knuckles.
How can you tell if your wife is dead? The sex is the same but the dishes start piling up.
Why does Beyonce go “to the left, to the left”?
Because women have no rights.
A married couple down on their luck decides to make a few extra bucks by reluctantly having the wife work the corner. After the first day the husband picks her up and asks “how did you do?”. She says, “I did pretty well, I made $200.50”. He asks, “What asshole gave you 50 cents?” and she replies “all of them”.
A Catholic couple is about to get married, and the woman sits the man down for a heart-to-heart the day before the wedding. She says, “Honey, before we do this, I have something I need to get off my chest. You see, a few years back, my family was very poor, and for a while I had to work as a prostitute.”
The man leaps out of his chair and shouts, “Oh no, absolutely not! I can’t get married to you!”
The woman starts crying, and begs him to forgive her, “Please don’t leave me – surely you can live with a woman who used to be a bit of a whore…”
The man sits down and says, “Oh, that’s fine. For a minute I thought you said Protestant.
What’s the difference between a gay man and a refrigerator?
The fridge doesn’t fart when you pull your meat out
My girlfriend and I were having sex the other day when she looked at me and said, “Make love to me like in the movies.”
So I fucked her in the ass, pulled out, and came all over her face and hair.
I guess we don’t watch the same movies.
Two homeless men are standing around bragging about their day. The First hobo says “Today i found $20, and was able to buy a nice hot meal. It was my luckiest day ever!”.
to which the second hobo replies: “oh yeah, my day was way better! I was at the train yard, and found a woman tied to the train tracks. After I untied her, we fucked all day”
“Did you get a blow job?”
“Naw, I couldnt find her head”
An elementary school teacher, a lawyer, a Catholic priest and three young boys are on a plane with only three parachutes. Engines explode, plane starts going down.
The teacher says, ‘Save the children!’
The lawyer yells, ‘FUCK THE CHILDREN!’
The Catholic priest looks around and whispers, ‘Is there time?’
A Jewish boy goes up to his mom and asks “Can I have twenty dollars to go to the movies?” She replies “Fifteen dollars? Since when does it cost ten dollars to see a movie?”
What is the difference between a hooker and an onion?
You cry when you cut up an onion.
A black guy and a white girl spend a romantic evening together. After dinner, the girl takes the guy back to her place. She stares at him, head to toe, with a really lewd look, and says : “Now show me that what they say about black men is true…”. So the black man ties her to her bed, steals everything in her appartment and leaves.
Three broke college students had to share a tiny apartment with one bed. They had an uneventful first night, but next morning the guy on the right said “I had a wierd dream that I was being jacked off”. The guy on the left side of the bed said “wow, I had that exact same dream!”
The guy in the middle said “I have no idea what the fuck you guys are talking about, all I was dreaming about was skiing”
Why do Japanese Sumo wrestlers shave their legs?
So you can tell them apart from feminists.
What’s the difference between a feminist and a sperm whale?
50 pounds and a flannel shirt.
What’s the difference between Jesus and Mexicans?
Jesus doesn’t have Mexican tattooed all over him.
Why aren’t Mexicans good at the Olympics?
Cause if you can run fast, jump high, or swim far, you are already in the U.S.
Why does Helen Keller masturbate with only one hand?
So she could moan with the other.
What do you call the useless skin around the vagina?
How do you make a kilo of fat appealing?
Put a nipple on it.
Q: How many feminists does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: None. Feminists can’t change anything.
Guy walks up to a bar and says, “Gin. A jigger, nigger.”
Bartender is offended. “How dare you talk to me that way?”
Guy replies, “C’mon, just give me a jigger, nigger!”
Bartender challenges him, “How would you like to trade places and see how it feels, asshole?”
Guy shrugs and walks behind the bar. Bartender goes around front and says, “Gimme a drink, chink.”
“Sorry, we don’t serve niggers here.”
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