Slyzine
You think she doesn’t like the dirty jokes? Ask the seduction experts. Here is a daring list of adult dirty jokes for her. Try them and see how you attract girls like no other. These funny dirty jokes for her might just be you secret weapon. Since they are funny and clean adult jokes, you don’t invite any unnecessary wrath as well. That is a such a subtle a balance!
Dirty jokes are those that contain sexual innuendos. They are usually told between two friends who want to share their inner thoughts without being judged. The jokes are often very vulgar and sometimes even obscene.
There are many types of dirty jokes. Some are meant to shock, while others are intended to amuse. In addition, these jokes vary from culture to culture. For example, in some countries, women are considered to be less intelligent than men. Therefore, they tend to tell dirty jokes about men. On the other hand, in some cultures, women are considered to have higher status than men. Hence, they tend to tell jokes about themselves.
Funny dirty jokes for her
Each of these naughty jokes for her are marked with a heading for easy navigation across the list. So enjoy and mug up all of them to use at right places. Read on for a good chuckle and be naughty – but not if you’re easily offended!
Blonde Dirty Jokes
Why did the blonde cross the road?
Who cares?
What’s she doing out of the bedroom?
Q. Why do blondes get confused in the ladies room?
A. Because they have to pull their own pants down.
What is a blonde’s idea of dental floss?
Pubic hair.
Q. What do a blonde and a moped have in common?
A. They are both fun to ride until a friend sees you on one.
Q. Why can’t blondes waterski?
A. Because when they get their crotch wet they think they have to lie down.
Q. What did the blonde’s mom say before the blonde’s date?
A. If you’re not in bed by 12, come home.
Q. Did you hear about the new paint called “Blonde” paint?
A. It’s not very bright, but it spreads easy.
Washing Machine
Q: What is the difference between women and a washing machine?
A: The washing machine doesn’t follow you around for two weeks after you put a load into it
Adult pun at secretive girls
What do peroxide blondes and aeroplanes have in common?
Both have big black boxes.
Use this at own risk
Stages of Married sex
The 5 stages of married sex…
1. Smurf sex – when you first meet and shag ’til your blue in the face.
2. Kitchen sex – when you have been together a short while and you will do it anywhere in the house.
3. Bedroom sex – sex is routine, and you will only shag in bed on the occasional night.
4. Hallway sex – you pass each other in the hallway, and both say fuckk you.
5. Court room sex – he takes you to court, and screws you in front of 20 strangers.
Guy’ Tool Jokes
How can you tell when a guy with a very little penis walks into the restroom?
He is carrying a funnel so he doesn’t pee on his nuts
A young man with a particularly small penis takes his girlfriend to bed for the first time.
Embarrassed at his lack of nob, he insists on turning out the light. In the darkness, he puts his erection into her hand and is understandably hurt when she says, ‘No thanks, I don’t smoke’.
Vagina joke
What does a vagina and the ocean have in common?
They’re both deep, wet and 80% unexplored.
Vegans and sex
Why don’t vegans moan during sex?
They don’t want to admit that a piece of meat will make them happy 😆
Pedophile Husband and wife joke
So this guy comes home from work, and sees his wife is packing up all her stuff. The guy says, ” Honey, what’s wrong? Why are you moving out?” The wife says, ” I can’t take it anymore. Everyone in the neighborhood is calling you a pedophile. The rumors must be true.” The husband says, ” Pedophile? That’s a big word for a 10 year old.” 😐
Lesbian joke
How can you tell if a girl is a lesbian?
Look really closely at her tongue…. If it’s in another girls vagina, she’s a lesbian
Mafia and vagina
What does the Mafia and a pussy have in common? One slip of the tongue and you’re in deep shit.
Barbie joke
Why didn’t Barbie ever get pregnant?… Because Ken always came in another box
Adult doctor joke
Another long one but too good to resist.
An elderly gentleman goes to his doctor for a physical, checked his bloodwork, heart and lungs, everything looks great! The doctor said he had one more test to perform. He needed the man to go home to collect a sperm sample in this jar to see how his reproductive health is.
The old man says no problem with a smile.
The next morning, the man returns and the doctor greets him. He hands the doctor the empty jar. The doc asked what happened?
The old man begins “You see, I came home, and first tried with my right hand. And then with my left. I tried with both hands and still nothing… I asked my wife for help. She tried with her right hand, then her left, and then both, still nothing. Then she tried with her mouth, first teeth in then teeth out… Still nothing.
We decided to call over our neighbor, lovely young woman, helps us out time to time. She said she would come over to help. She tries with her right hand, then her left. With both… She tried with her mouth, first teeth in then teeth out, she even stuck it between her knees….”
The doctor cut him off… “YOU ASKED YOUR NEIGHBOR?!”
Old man simply responds, “Why yes, None of us could get the Jar open!!!”
Shaved girl
A woman walks out of the shower, winks at her boyfriend, and says, “Honey, I shaved myself down there. Do you know what that means?” The boyfriend says, “Yeah, it means the drain is clogged again.”
Einstein joke
Didn’t Einstein marry his cousin?
Guess he loved everything to be relative
Panties joke
A boy dares a girl to climb a tree one day. The girl does it, while the boy is looking from right under her. That night the girl tells her mother about the dare and the mother says that the boy only wanted her to climb the tree so that he could look up her skirt and see her panties.
The next day the girl sees the boy again and he dares her. She climbs and he looks up again. Her mother spots her and tells her to come down. They go home and the mother asks why she climbed again when she was informed that the boy is only daring her to climb to see her panties. To which the girl responds: “But mom, I did listen to you. I didn’t wear any panties today!”
A tire
What’s the difference between a tire and 365 used condoms? One’s a Goodyear. The other’s a great year.
Light and hard bone
What’s the difference between light and hard?
It’s possible to sleep with a light on.
Viagra joke
Two men broke into a drugstore and stole all the Viagra. The police put out an alert to be on the lookout for the two hardened criminals
Q. What do Disney World & Viagra have in common?
A. They both make you wait an hour for a two-minute ride.
Have you heard about the new viagra and prune juice diet? You can’t tell if you’re coming or going!
Hooker joke
What’s the difference between a hooker and a drug dealer?
A hooker can wash her crack and re-sell it
Sad man sex
A man with no arms and no legs sits at the beach pondering his lonely life. 3 beautiful women walk by and the first woman taking pity on the man walks up and asks “Have you ever been hugged before?”
“No” says the man. So she hugs him and walks on.
The 2nd woman also taking pity on the man, walks up and asks “Have you ever been kissed before?”
“No” the man replies sorrowfully. So she kisses him and walks on.
The 3rd woman also walks up to the man and asks him “Have you ever been fucked before?”
“No…” says the man now with a tear in his eye.
“Well thats what youre gonna be when the tide comes in”
Lonely woman looking for partner
A lonely widow put out a personal ad in the paper.
“Seeking: A new man. Must never hit me or run around on me, and must be good in bed.”
One day she’s sitting at home when she hears her doorbell ring. She goes to open the door and sitting on her stoop is an older man with no arms and no legs. The man says, “I’m here to respond to your ad.”
The woman says, “But you’ve got no arms!” to which the man replies, “So I cannot hit you.”
The woman figures he’s right, but says, “And you’ve got no legs!” to which the man replies, “You’re right, so I cannot run around on you either.”
The woman again figures he’s got a point, but says, “Well, my ad also requested you be good in bed.”
The man smiles and says, “How do you think I rang the doorbell?”
Bigger boobs joke
Wife complains to husband about wanting bigger boobs. Husband says he has the answer. “All you have to do is rub a little bit of toilet paper between your boobs and they will grow.” So the wife obliges and does this religiously for a week. After the week is done she is back to complaining that it hasnt worked. To which the husband replies, “I don’t understand, it worked on your ass!!”
Nudist joke
Did you know about the hole in the walls of houses of nudist colony ?
The police are looking into it
Husband wife jokes
A husband and wife are at the hospital in the delivery room during labor. Doctor says “We have this new machine that let’s the father of the child take some of the labor pains to make it easier on the mother. Would you guys like to try that?” Husband says “Yes ofcourse. Anything for my wife.”
So the doctor hooks the husband up to the machine and says “okay were gonna turn it to 10% and just let me know how much you can take okay? How do you feel?”
Husband: I feel fine.
Doctor: Okay well go to 20% what about now?
Husband: I’m feeling good. No pain.
Doctor: Alright does the mother feel less pain?
Wife: OH yes! It’s way less painful! Wow.
Doctor: let’s go to 40% percent tell me if it’s getting too much for you sir.
Husband: I dont really feel anything lol I’m so glad this is working!
Doctor; it seems strange you arent feeling anything though. Let’s try 60%. Hows everyone feeling now?
Wife: I cant believe it! I barely feel anything at all.
Husband: Nothing not a thing! This machine is amazing.
Doctor: well let’s go to 80% then and just see okay?
Wife: I dont feel it at all this is incredible!
Husband: I dont feel any pain I’m just so glad this is working for her.
Doctor: Well if it’s working so well and I dont see an issue here from my screen so were going to try 100%
Husband: I still dont really feel it lol.
Wife: i dont feel any pain I cant believe were having a baby so peacefully!
Doctor: I’m not quite sure why you didnt feel the pain you were taking from your wife. It’s designed to give the pain setting to the father but everything looks good and checks out. Now let’s get that little guy out.
After delivering the lovely baby the couple heads home very excited and relieved it wasn’t a painful experience. “What marvelous science and technology!” They said as they turned onto their street.
As they pull into the driveway and stop the car they see paper and envelopes scattered throughout the yard, and the mailman laying dead on the front porch…
They call you what?
I was with my uncle at a pub and he tells me “lad see that their table, I built that table with me own two hand spent days cutting and sanding the wood, but does anybody call me Billy the table maker, noooo”. Then he point out the door to the dock and says “see that their dock, I put long days and late night when into that dock, but does anybody call me Billy the dock builder, NOO” he grabs his pint and take a swig and says “BUT YOU FUCK ONE GOAT…”
Nun joke
A man gets onto a city bus and sees an attractive nun. Wanting to have sex with her, he goes up and asks, “Will you have sex with me?”
“Of course not!” the nun said unnervingly and got off the bus.
Before the depressed man left the bus, the bus driver stops him and says, “I know how you can screw her: On Sundays, she prays at the local cemetery. While she is praying, dress as God and she’ll have sex with you. Put on a mask, robes, and a lot of glitter.”
That Sunday, the man takes the advice, gets into the costume and hides behind a gravestone. Shortly, the nun appears and prays.
The man pops out from the gravestone and declares, “I am God, and I command you to have sex with me.”
The nun replies, “Sure, but only if we have anal sex, so I can remain a virgin.”
So they have anal sex.
After sex the man rips off his mask and laughs, I’m not God! I’m that man from the bus! Ha!”
Immediately the nun rips off her mask and says “Ha! I’m the bus driver!”
Sex and calories
They say that during sex you burn off as many calories as running eight miles. Who the hell runs eight miles in 30 seconds?
Man with 5?
I heard their was once a man born with five dicks. I guess you can say his condoms fit like a glove
Bullet joke
“A woman is pregnant with triplets and gets jumped in a back alley one night and shot three times in the stomach. The shots are heard and a passerby calls an ambulance which arrives in no time and saves the woman and the three unborn children.
After the procedure is done and she is about ready to go home the doctor pulls her aside. ‘Ok so we were able to deliver all three children healthy but the bullet is still inside of them. They will pass the bullet in time and it should be painless for them just be aware that they will more than likely be startled.’
The mother and her children (two girls and a boy) go home and live a happy life. No problems come about and the children do not mention passing a bullet until around the time they turn 12. One of the daughters runs up to her mother screaming ‘Mom! Mom! I went to pee and a bullet fell out!’
The mother comforts the child explaining the whole ordeal to the daughter. They dipose of the bullet and both their days go on as normal for about a week when the other daughter comes up screaming ‘Mom! Mom! I went pee and a bullet fell out!’ Again the mother comforts the child and all returns to normal.
Two days later the son comes up screaming ‘Mom! Mom!’ the mother interrupts and says ‘Let me guess you had to pee and a bullet came out?’ The son still spooked says ‘No! I was jacking off and I shot the dog!!’
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